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had a stay at the psych ward for a week after i tried drowning myself in the river. im better now, im back on medication. ive been taking walks every day that im not working and its been real nice. maybe life isnt so bad after all

 i wanna use this more cuz i like the layout but my life is so boring...ive never been good at keeping journals

this had been a bad year for me though so most of it would just be negative anyway...not even because of the pandemic. i mean yeah that has definitely made it stressful but even back in january i had Two (2) hard drives corrupt on me and i lost $800~ dollars worth of music software so. That Was Fun And Cool. its been better now though because i think ive finally found some medication that helps with my ocd, i dont think ill ever be able to live normally because theres no cure for it but...its a step i guess. ill probably need more for various other things wrong with my brain but clomipramine seems to be doing well in the ocd department... its really expensive though so im glad ive made a habit of saving money. even with the goodrx coupon its still like 60~ish dollars per month which is...eek. but i guess id rather spend that money that be ultra suicidal so. its a step in the right direction i think.

in other news ive been playing animal crossing new horizons and fire emblem three houses all year and i actually feel accomplished when i play them and get stuff done so...video games are fun for me again actually?? aside from birth by sleep cuz bbs is always fun for me for some reason...birth by sleep addiction syndrome

anyway i work retail so holiday season during the Pandemic Times ought to be a real hoot. and by "real hoot" i mean more stressful than usual. but i will push through like always.............woo

ive been having a bad time recently and im trying to cheer myself up i guess

anyway i have almost no one to talk to abt the founders and if i post my shitposts no one will get it itll just be me sending them into the void, but like...im too scared to post on tumblr and twitter so im just throwing random stuff ive written down that makes me laugh or assorted headcanons or whatever this is just me trying to throw all my random shit in one place...this is so disorganized but i need something to do or im just gonna zone out and stare at the wall for like eight hours or something

ALSO SOMEHOW I TURNED THE TEXT BACKGROUND COLOR TO WHITE AND IDK HOW TO UNDO IT IM SORRY

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IVE OBTAINED KH3

im so Excited i already know like all the spoilers but im still so excited to play it!!!

im also tryin to write a Serious Angst fic...its not going too well lol...i can only write lighthearted slice of life stuff i guess?

not much of interest has happened of late except for i got my first flat tire...and in the snow no less! Fun! it wasnt actually fun.

also i looked through my sketchbooks from like a year ago and Holy Shit i cant believe i used to draw like that? improvement does exist apparently

Maybe...Maybe i will post some drabbles i wrote here...finally. not sure. im debating. if im going to actually post them somewhere i might as well take the first step i guess

i drew a bunch of doodles on a big canvas just to. force myself to draw something? just...doodles, not trying too hard. i dont rly feel like posting it anywhere...and tumblrs resizing of it would probably be ugly...i wish there was an easier way to post art that feels good to me besides tumblr though? i would like instagram more if everything didnt have to be cropped a certain way...

i have three days off this week so im gonna try to draw and write more...also i need to get a haircut, my hair keeps getting in my eyes

changed my default icon also? idk if ill keep it

first of all happy birthday madara...luv u...drew smth for his birthday yesterday...might draw more today but it could just end up being doodles

i made a new deviantart but idk if ill use it i just wanted the username in case i actually do want to move?

i have to drive a lot today and im not Super Excited...at least theres no snow to deal with. i like snow and all but driving in it isnt fun. reminder to myself to clean the inside of my car window

maybe ill try to write more music soon...ive barely made any music this year that actually sounds good...i have a wip i kind of like maybe ill try and make it a decent length song?

my new tablets coming soon so i can finally draw digitally without literally holding the wires in place...its hurting my fingers soooo bad

i hope the job i applied for fuckin calls me back but theyre busy i get it but...please...i hate retail i have to go to work in like two hours...No

my sleep schedule is getting...slightly more normal. ive been havin a bad time cuz Grief. i dont wanna talk about it but im getting better so. also im trying not to just be depressed and stare at the wall all day and actually do stuff and try to like drawing again. it used to be so fun now i just have no fun at all...

anyway i just gotta get thru work today and tmrw and after that i have two days off so. Yay

also holy fuck the new kh3 trailer...why dont u just come to my house and kill me nomura

just a reminder to myself to maybe talk abt my ocs on here ?

dont really know if ill use this for anything, maybe ill post my half ass fics here...dont know